Now, concentrate.
A teacher is responsible for six classes with 30 children in each. How many children is that in total? 180? Well done. And if the teacher spends five minutes marking each student's work every fortnight – no, I know five minutes isn't enough, Michael, particularly not for eight hours' lessons and homework. Let's say six minutes then – that will have to do. So, how long does our teacher spend marking every week? Nine hours? Correct. And add 21 hours of teaching, to make a total of 30 hours.
No, we're not finished yet. Each lesson needs to be full of engaging activities, teaching facts and ideas. Yes, I'm well aware that you don't think any of these facts are important and yes, you've made it quite clear that you think you know better than me. In fact, that's exactly what makes it so hard for me to do my job.
Anyway. Our teacher takes five minutes to plan for each 30-minute lesson – yes, Michael, she will differentiate for each ability level and need. And make resources. And write tests. And set homework. And carry out wider reading too dear, even though the curriculum and texts change every year or so. Well Michael, when you grow up, you'll understand how important it is for people in positions of responsibility to know what they're talking about. OK, so 10 minutes' preparation per 30 minutes teaching. (You're quite right dear, that's not enough time at all. Don't worry, I'll explain it all in tomorrow's lesson, "teachers' holidays and flying pigs").
So that's seven hours in total? Add that to the 30 then. 37 hours? Good.
Now, time for mental arithmetic. Ready? I'll round down all of the following to make it easier: add two hours' on tutees; 1.5 hours' meetings; four hours on emails and paperwork (that's very perceptive of you, Michael, we'd love to spend that time planning); 1.5 hours for discipline/detentions; one hour on lunch duty; one hour contacting parents; setting up and tidying rooms; making displays; running after-school clubs (your little friend David's very keen on those, isn't he?); organising competitions and trips; giving assemblies and analysing data.
So, what do you have, Michael? At least 48 hours? Does that include breaks for the teacher to eat or go to the toilet? No? Well, don't worry about that, we've more important things to do anyway.
Now time for some harder maths. Get out your calculator, and average that out by the week. With 180 reports to write each taking seven and a half minutes; 180 exams to mark at 10 minutes each; seven parents' meetings at three hours each. Correct, that's about two more hours each week across the school year. So that's 50 hours.
What's that? The students? Well, they take priority over everything else, dear. Where should I start? Two absences, three lates and four missing essays to chase; the extra support for Adam; that little chat with your friend Michael about bullying and then there was that horrible incident with the compass. And that was only Monday period one – I won't bore you with the other 20 lessons.
Teachers work 55+ hours a week in term-time. Their work doesn't stop when the school day stops, and it doesn't end when the holidays start. Why then, do you persist in perpetuating the myth of the lazy teacher? Don't do that. We don't deserve it.
